Part V: The Great Wrestle

 

It’s 9pm on a chilly-for-November North Carolina night, and I’m standing under a marquee with approximately 100 other people, mostly young couples and families.  There’s a worship band on stage who are hitting their peak in the worship set.  The sound guy is paying no attention to any peaks on his desk, as the music blasts from the PA.  I do something I haven’t done for many months: I raise my hands in a corporate worship setting.  I have a desire to express my worship more “fully”, and to experience the spiritual presence (closeness) of Jesus in a way that was more familiar before I immersed myself nine months ago in life in the Bruderhof, an intentional Christian community that has existed for over 100 years.  Back under the marquee in North Carolina, as I raise my hands I don’t really “feel” anything different.  I feel more of a fraud as I sing louder and put more energy into the worship, and the critical voices of this form of worship start to play in my head.  All around me people are praising and worshipping passionately, and seem to be having that “experience” which is evading me.  But I continue anyway, following the Pentecostal mantra to keep “pressing in” to God.  All of a sudden I start to experience the presence (closeness) of God in the way of times past.  This is expressed emotionally as a joy that both cries and shouts, and I feel that my spirit is being refreshed and strengthened increasingly with every new song sung, and it brings revival to a dry soul.  When the worship time is finished, the pastor and leader of this tent revival movement gets up to preach a short and sharp message, calling people to repent and follow Christ, to which many respond.

To critics of the Charismatic movement of Christianity, the word "experience" sums up all that is wrong about that form of expressing a Christian faith.  Having an “amazing” spiritual experience on a Sunday, which would usually include a moving time of worship and the expression of one or more spiritual gifts, but then living Monday to Saturday in much the same way as the rest of the world around them, is not the all-encompassing faith that Christ died for us to live.  What matters is what we do on every day of the week, they might say.  Besides this, they might add, many Charismatic or Pentecostal churches have got the “moving” worship time down to such a tight formula which taps just the right emotions, the true Spirit is all but gone.  I had a discussion one day with someone at Darvell, the community in East Sussex where my family and I are currently living, about this form of worship.  Their view was that this form of “Fireworks” spiritual or worship experience wasn’t for them.  They described their preference for more of a “slow-burn” spirituality, and that oscillating spiritual experiences with a great “high” on Sunday was not a positive thing.  It made me think of my favourite pastime of motorcycle riding.  Going out for a good, exhilarating ride is only possible on the weekend – I don’t get the opportunity to do it every day.  When I do go out on the weekend, I come back buzzing every time.  The fact that I can’t have that awesome experience during the week doesn’t make me want to ride less, it does the opposite.  I feel this is true also for corporate worship services that have an emphasis on an outward, spiritual encounter with Jesus.  But regardless of the setting or style, the key dividing line between a worship time that is just “an experience” and one that is true worship is the focus - is it on God or on me?  And as I was travelling back from the worship service in North Carolina, I wrote in my journal that as awesome as it was to have my spirit refreshed and revived, that alone is not enough to live the life God requires of us. It should lead to actions that implement God’s love in the world around us, and in ways more than just leading the lost to Christ. 

We’ve now been in Darvell for 12 months and have experienced an annual cycle of life in this Christian community.  As I wrote about in the last blog, we settled into community life remarkably quickly, and after a year we are well and truly embedded - it is hard to remember our previously frantic family life.  I head off to work in the factory at around 7:30 in the morning.  It can be 10 minutes later if my help is needed at home - no one is waiting with a timeclock.  In fact, there is no formal work timekeeping whatsoever.  People are trusted to do their share of whatever work role they’re given.  If they are late there will be a genuine reason which no one questions, although of course good communication is appreciated - WhatsApp messages fly to and fro across the “hof” (site) all day, keeping the operational cogs of community well-oiled.  At 8:30 Mum and the three kids walk the 100-odd metres to the school and nursery.  The joy of seeing the kids in this school has not worn off after 12 months.  The only occasional complaints from the kids are having to go out for the daily morning walk on the coldest winter mornings, but for Bruderhof educational and child-rearing ethics, this is a non-negotiable.  At 12:20 the family meet up again in the dining hall for lunch, except our 2-year-old son who stays in his nursery group.  Lunch is the main meal of the day at the Bruderhof, which is eaten communally in the dining hall.  It is almost always a hot meal, and always including meat - scant few vegetarians around here (and forget about veganism).  The meals do vary though: barbeque chicken, soups, lasagne, creamy pasta, filled rolls, salad wraps (plus a meat, of course).  It was very rare to find a meal that was “only palatable” - after the first few weeks I had to reign in my 2nd (or 3rd) helpings, as I felt my trousers starting to get tighter.  After the solid meal we head back to our apartment for “rest time”.  This was a set routine for the kids especially to have a little quiet time before heading back to school, and the parents to do a few home jobs, or if they were lucky, to have a little rest of their own.  Then it was back to work and school for the afternoon.  At the end of the day all 3 kids were excited to tell of the adventures they had been on and things they had learned in their day.  A light supper, usually toast, was eaten soon after arriving home, followed by the bedtime routine for the kids.  After they were settled in bed, our evenings most often started with a communal meeting, which would always begin with singing.  Singing is a core part of Bruderhof culture, and the kids who grow up in the community are sung to from day one, and singing is as natural as kicking a ball.  Our evening meetings could include a topic for discussion, either spiritual or practical, or have a celebratory purpose such as a farewell of someone moving to another Bruderhof community.  The community pastors need little persuasion to roll out the mobile beer bar (they run their own micro-brewery) and an array of tasty snacks.  The meetings were usually less than an hour, which left time in the second half of the evening for inviting someone over to your apartment to hang out and have a 2nd round of snacks and drinks.  

I have only feelings of love and respect for the people who make up this movement.  But this doesn’t dampen the longing in my soul for a life that follows in Christ’s footsteps even more radically than the radical elements which they do embody.  I pose a question to my workmates to prompt some spiritual discussion (one of the things I love about working in the Community’s business): What does it mean to “Follow Christ” vs to “Follow the way of Christ”?  My contribution is that the former emphasises relationship, while the latter is a religious practise.  We can be devout followers of Christ’s teachings but devoid of the primary fruit of Christ’s resurrection from the cross, which is relationship with Him through the Holy Spirit, and in a way that surpasses the relationship which the disciples experienced with Jesus in the flesh.  Jesus said in John 16:7, speaking of His imminent crucifixion and eventual ascension to Heaven, “Nevertheless, I tell you the truth: it is to your advantage that I go away, for if I do not go away, the Helper (Holy Spirit) will not come to you.”  In communal meetings, thoughts and prayers are shared often about God’s Kingdom, speaking of the church being an embassy of God’s Kingdom here on Earth, and praying that God’s Kingdom comes [in its fullness] soon.  Jesus spoke many times about the Kingdom of Heaven in the gospels, but most often they were in parables.  This makes the task of grasping the concept of “What exactly is God’s Kingdom?” and “How does it come to Earth?” a task that requires not only thoughtful study of those passages, but also the deeper, spiritual revelation that God gives to a seeking heart.  This was one of the topics that consumed my bible study over the past few months as I wrestled with the challenges that Bruderhof life gave to my “conventional” Christian thinking.  From that study time my answers to these questions are, 1. Having the culture of Heaven here on Earth, and 2. Having God’s reign here on Earth - His reign where the spiritual meets the physical, ie. [physical] healings, deliverance [from various forms of oppressive spirits] and heavenly languages [spoken by man].  One of the most powerful snippets from the gospels that jumped out at me as I searched for this was in Matthew 11, where John (the Baptist) is in prison, and hearing through the grapevine about the works of Jesus, sends his disciples to Jesus to ask him, “Are you the one who is to come, or shall we look for another?”.  In other words, Is this the beginning of the reign of the Messiah on Earth, that has been prophesied?  And this was Jesus’ answer: “Go and tell John what you hear and see: the blind receive their sight and the lame walk, lepers are cleansed and the deaf hear, and the dead are raised up, and the poor have good news preached to them.”  In other words, These works (healings, miracles, the good news preached) are the signs of my reign, the signs of my kingdom here on earth (which Matthew 11:12 confirms that Jesus is speaking of).  As I don’t see these miraculous signs in my everyday life I might be tempted to accept a cessationist theology, but the more I search for people and churches living radically for Christ, the more stories I find of these very things happening today - in some cases with great frequency.

Part of the struggle of evaluating (discerning?) the biblical alignment of this close community’s common-purse expression of God’s Kingdom on Earth is recognising that many of the aspects of life in community (with the Bruderhof, specifically) align much more closely to the culture of Heaven than in many “conventional” church cultures and Christian lives that I’ve had contact with.  I’ve talked about it in more detail in earlier editions of this blog, but the true equal valuing of all people, sacrificial love and service to one another, commitment to unity, and living without any materialistic concerns (to name but a few) are without doubt things that we (followers of Christ) will experience in the age to come.  But there is, to me, a gaping hole in the expression of God’s Kingdom when it comes to God’s spiritual reign and authority having a real and meaningful impact on our lives here and now - the signs of the Kingdom that Jesus gave to John.  And actually it’s not that there is no desire for greater expression of the spiritual reality of the Kingdom within the Bruderhof (including at the highest levels of church leadership), but I believe there are some things that prevent God’s spirit from moving more freely here.  Now before I go any further I must emphasise strongly that the points I make, and the overarching thrust of this blog is not to criticise or in any way condemn the Bruderhof specifically, because actually these points apply in some way or another to every Christian church, and I might even say especially to Western, “conventional” (including Pentecostal and Charismatic) churches.  

The first point is that the primary focus of the church (and us as individual disciples of Christ) should be OUTWARD more than INWARD.  As I read and summarised all of Jesus’ words that He spoke himself (in the gospels), there were two very clear themes that stood above all others: To share the gospel with people around us (and beyond), and to care for the poor who are around us (and I’m happy to take this broadly, ie. the poor in spirit, down-and-out, as well as the financially impoverished).  How does this relate to God’s spiritual reign on earth, and the miraculous signs of the Kingdom?  The primary purpose of miracles is to show God’s glory and point people to Jesus!  Miracles are not a magic cure-all to make all our problems go away and our lives more comfortable, they are for others to see the reality of God so that they might believe in Him.  I don’t believe it is wrong to desire a miracle such as physical healing in our own bodies, but we must maintain a heart that when we receive it, God gets the glory and others get to see it (ref John 9:1-3).  Similarly, it is not wrong that there is some time and inward focus on our inner self - our spiritual, mental and physical wellbeing.  In fact I would say this is essential.  But again the motivation of this inward focus should be that we can be stronger and brighter witnesses for Christ.  Many of Jesus’ parables regarding the Kingdom of Heaven, such as the Parable of the Mustard Seed in Matthew 13, focus on its growth.  The foundation of this growth is sharing the good news with the lost, calling them to repent and join His kingdom.  Jesus has given us the task of seeing that happen, and it should be the primary focus of every branch and “flavour” of the Christian church.  That is the starting point, and from there is where we disciple Christians to live their new life together according to the “culture of Heaven”.  

The second major point, and the one that perhaps challenges me the most is that to be a true follower of Christ we must “die to self” in EVERY area of our life.  The apostle Paul uses this language in a number of his letters, but probably most famously in Romans, especially Romans chapter 6.  If you’ve been around church a while and heard a few sermons on this chapter and theme, you probably have some idea of what it means to die to self / sin / the flesh, and become alive in Christ.  The challenge to me as an individual is, How much do I embrace “Not my will, but your will be done…?”, and how do I live and act to receive only the praise of the Father, and not the praise (or absence of mockery) of Man?  On this latter point, when we as individuals come together as part of a church, it can have a huge effect on the culture of that church, not least in the way that we worship.  Dying, in the biblical-fleshly sense, is a large theme of the tent revival ministry in North Carolina which I visited in November.  When I visit the associated Sunday church, there is a LARGE sign in the entrance that reads, “DIE WELL”.  The ministry has an emphasis on baptism, with a belief that there is a supernatural power in the act of baptism (ie, it is not just an “outward sign”), supported by many reports of deliverance (from oppressive spirits) and physical healings taking place for people getting baptised in their meetings.  The pastors also advocate that baptism is one of the most powerful acts to spiritually catalyse “dying to self”, and encourage believers to be baptised again and again, as many times as is necessary to be completely “dead” to self, and subsequently fully alive in Christ.  Dying to self is uncomfortable: speaking up and standing up about things that others will disagree with, or behaving in a way that others think is foolish, disrespectful or even irreverent.

The next evening (Monday) I went along to a small group meeting of approximately a dozen people from the church who were preparing to start a campus ministry at the local university.  The meeting began with a time of praise and worship, and in that 30-40 minutes I discovered what it was like to worship intimately with a group of people who were “fully alive” in Christ.  Despite having only a guitar, keyboard and cajon, this worship time was more powerful than the amazing, anointed worship band that was cranking under the marquee at the start of the trip.  Every soul in that living room was worshipping God unreservedly and with abandon.  Loud and passionate? Yes!  Showy or “irreverent”?  Not a drop.  That was what worship looks like with people who have died to what people think about how they act, and can freely give God the kind of praise and worship he is worthy of.  The kind that the Psalmist is referring to when he says “Shout for joy to the Lord, all the earth!” (Psalm 100:1).  It is a very strong challenge, I might even dare rebuke, to those of us (myself included) who stand in a Sunday church service and “just clap along” to the praise songs.  

What I have seen in some church cultures that I’ve witnessed is a manipulated theology that this form of praise and worship is irreverent, self-centred, hype-focussed and ultimately not pleasing to God.  Worship in contemporary churches can absolutely be all of those things, but to say that “true” worship therefore is quieter, reserved and more “ordered” is to throw the baby out with the bath water.  The aspect that made the worship I experienced in North Carolina spiritually authentic, powerful and uplifting was that whether with a large worship band or a simple trio of amateur musicians, it came from a group of pure hearts that simply wanted to praise God with all their being, regardless of what it looked like to anyone else.  The very same can be said for the operation of the “charismatic” gifts in church (prophesy, words of knowledge, speaking in tongues etc).  It is sadly true that these gifts have been abused and falsified in many church settings.  But when Paul writes to the Corinthian church that they should “earnestly desire the spiritual gifts” (1 Corinthians 14:1), for us to look at the irreverent use of these gifts and therefore say “Thanks, but no thanks” to them is an blatant rejection of what Christ suffered for us to have.  Whether it is spiritual gifts, the way we worship, sharing the gospel, serving the poor, serving each other (fellow Christians), giving up the desire for material gain (for self), submitting to church leadership or the many other aspects of living out our faith, to truly follow Christ we have to die to our own version of Christianity which all of us formulate according to our fleshly weaknesses and our humanly-filtered beliefs of what it means to be a Christian.  To truly follow Christ we have to be “all in”.  If you say “I'll embrace Christianity except this part here”, you've just created your own religion.

All of this is very “spiritual” sounding, and likely difficult to absorb by anyone who is more practically minded, which is a lot of men.  Men, mostly, and in a healthily motivated state don’t want to talk about a cause they believe in, they want to DO something about it.  This is where we come back to the Bruderhof, because for the past 100 years (and counting) they have had an emphasis on DOING rather than SAYING.  Instead of listening to a Sunday morning sermon on the importance of unity in the church, spending Sunday afternoon wondering how to apply it (practically), and then having mostly forgotten it by Monday, members of the Bruderhof live in unity with each other, day in, day out.  Past generations of Bruderhof men have toiled and laboured to build community infrastructure for proceeding generations to be able to thrive without the hardships that they had to endure.  A common man may struggle to understand a theologically heavy teaching or feel ill-equipped to wield a spiritual gift like prophecy or healing, but he can put one brick on top of another for the sake of his fellow Christians, or put food in the hand of a struggling neighbour.  As I noted in my journal after the revival meeting in the marquee, our hearts being filled with God’s love and Spirit is not enough - that love must lead to action.  What then, of my admonishment that to follow Christ we must die to self, worship with abandon and operate in spiritual gifts?  There must be a meeting point somewhere of this “spirituality” with the “practical action”.  I would initially put forward for contemplation that laying hands on someone and casting out a demonic spirit can be seen as actually quite practical in the advancing of God’s Kingdom.  In fact every spiritual gift, if we take time to consider them, has a practical application.  And for those people who just want to do something with their hands, like the kind of men I described above, they are not left out, matching perfectly with the spiritual gift of “helps” Paul describes in 1 Corinthians 12.  And they should see their “hands on” helping every bit as spiritual as the one who discerns or prophesies.  

For the body of Christ to function in full health and to its full potential, it requires all of these gifts to be operating, which is of course why Christ wants to give us these gifts.  But we must remember Paul’s words that we are to “desire them”.  It is clear that they are not given if we do nothing and just go about our daily life thinking “God will give them if He wants to”.  A part of “desiring” is not only asking, but being expectantly ready to receive them.  This is not in conflict with Christ’s character of humility which we must follow, as long as we are in line with the purpose of those gifts being to build up the church.  But what we find in many churches around the world, is a particular emphasis on certain aspects of following Christ, such as serving the poor, or a particular emphasis on certain spiritual gifts, such as prophecy, while neglecting other aspects and gifts.  This is certainly true for the Bruderhof, and one of the big questions I wrestle with is this: When Paul writes about the church being a body in 1 Corinthians 12, is he just talking about the universal body of Christ, or is he also talking about distinct church bodies?  In other words, is it part of Christ’s plan that some church bodies are strong in certain areas, and others are strong in areas that the first ones are weak?  Or is it His desire that all church bodies are operating in all of the spiritual gifts, and embracing all aspects of living for Christ and advancing His Kingdom?  It is certainly convenient to say the former, but I tend to lean towards the latter.  I am sure that churches have particular and unique missional callings, for example in our church in Halifax, West Yorkshire, there is a particular missional calling to serve and build up the church in Moldova.  But I do believe that if as Christians we all “died to self” in the way that I described above, fully and without reservation, there would be a lot more commonality with the way we live for Christ.  We would also see churches of different cultures and “flavours” in closer alignment and unity with Christ, and therefore with each other, and God’s Kingdom would be advancing on earth ever more rapidly.  

I have said many times that one could travel the world searching for the “perfect” church, one that embodies equally all of the teachings of the Word, and never find it.  And indeed the very fact that the “one” was trying to find it themselves might be the first reason that they wouldn’t, regardless of the fact that it doesn’t exist. This whole journey of the past 12 months (and counting) has been about seeking to follow Christ more closely than I have in my previous years as a Christian.  And intrinsically linked with that desire is to be living with or around other Christians who are already doing that, or at the very least share that same desire.  And I condemn neither myself nor others for disrupting our “normal” and ”safe” life to seek it out.  But at the same time I am realising with increasing certainty, that God calls us to commit and submit to a certain part of Christ’s body, and that most of the “seeking” should be listening and obeying.  In the most positive way, our time at the Bruderhof has given me a new perspective on the power of a lifelong commitment to a church, much like a marriage should be, through highs and lows, working through problems with humility and with Jesus at the centre.

So that leads us to the ultimate question of this blog series: Is God calling us to the Bruderhof?  The experience I had in those few days in North Carolina revived a desire in me to be part of a church where spiritual gifts are expressed more freely, along with passionate worship and people who challenge me more to reach out to the lost.  With that burden in me, right now I cannot make the deep, lifelong commitment required to become a member of this church community.  This doesn’t in any way negate all of the many Kingdom-centred aspects of an outlived faith present in the Bruderhof, which are weak in many other “conventional” churches (and which I have written about in detail in previous blogs).  These aspects still challenge me deeply, and still cause me to seek God earnestly for the path that leads to “Well done, good and faithful servant” for me and our family.  In January of this year, we said goodbye to the people that we had lived, worked, worshipped and socialised with for the past year.  Despite the clear feelings that we needed to be out of the community to continue our seeking journey, I wasn’t prepared for the wave of emotion that welled up in me in those final days.  Saying good-bye to people that you’d known for “only” 12 months should have been straight-forward and easy; it felt as difficult as saying goodbye to someone I’d known and loved for 10 years or more.  At the very start of this journey, before we arrived in the community, my wife and I dwelt on Jesus words in ‭John 17:22-23, “The glory that you have given me I have given to them, that they may be one even as we are one, I in them and you in me, that they may become perfectly one, so that the world may know that you sent me and loved them even as you loved me.”  This plea that Jesus makes in His final hours before He goes to the cross was a strong validation for the original “call” that we felt to live in community.  I cannot be completely closed to the Bruderhof for our future, because as well as comprehensively demonstrating a solution for many of the problems of our current society, for me there is no greater expression of the oneness that Jesus speaks that I have found, or are ever likely to find, than in the Bruderhof.

Part IV: Reality Check

A film that has been in my “top 5” for a long time is 1999’s blockbuster, the Matrix.  Not because of all the action - in fact I had a hard time watching it again recently (a few years since the previous viewing), having to grit my teeth through the scenes of dramatic gun violence.  But because of the very deep question that is at the centre of the story: What is the “real world?”.  In the story, set in “approximately 2199”, the human race has been taken captive by a new race of machines, spawned from the creation of AI.  The machines need power to survive, for which they “farm” human beings, keeping them imprisoned in capsules in order to harvest their biological energy.  In order to keep the humans pacified and oblivious to their imprisonment, the machines create a fake, software-generated world (the Matrix) which resembles the real world circa 1999.  The farmed humans brain signals are intercepted so that they believe they are living in this world.  Ie. that they believe the Matrix is the real world.  The lead character, a computer hacker by the name of Neo, has a 6th sense that something is not right about his world, and is searching for the truth about the Matrix.  In the scene where Morpheus (patriarch and leader of the human resistance) is showing Neo the first revelation about what the Matrix really is, Neo questions, “This…this isn’t real?”, to which Morpheus responds, “What is real? How do you define real? If you're talking about what you feel, taste, smell, or see, then real is simply electrical signals interpreted by your brain.”.  This questioning and challenging of what is “real” I would encourage anyone who is seeking the true meaning of life to do.

While there are some biblical references (the one remaining human city in the core of the real earth is called Zion), the Matrix is certainly not a perfect allegorical analogy of the Christian story.  Yet to me, it is a powerful dramatisation of the core part of Satan’s strategy in our current age: to deceive mankind into believing that the physical world around us is the only dimension of life that exists.  With this false belief, it is logical then that man should live only for him (or her) self.  To discover the spiritual dimension is to be rescued from the deception of the Matrix, and realise that everything that you were living for is not real.  True reality is being alive in both the physical and spiritual dimensions, and understanding that our purpose in this life can only be discovered by knowing our spiritual Father.

I’ve been pondering and refreshing these thoughts from the accusation that living and raising a family in the Bruderhof Christian community, which we’ve been staying in since January, is to live outside of the “real world”.  I suggest the opposite for consideration: To live in an environment where the reality of God’s existence and our true purpose in life is intertwined with every dimension of life (work, worship, education & recreation) is to live in a more “real” world than to live a “normal” life in a world that is governed by a paradigm of godlessness and self-interest.  

        We must remember that our life on this earth is temporary.  As James describes it, “like a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes” (James 4:14).  It is perilously risky to live as though it is the only phase of life we will experience.  As we approach Easter, we remember Christ’s death and resurrection, and that at his resurrection he ushered in the beginning of His new kingdom.  While we are yet to see the full realisation of Christ’s kingdom on earth (ref Luke 19:11-12), the aim of the Bruderhof church is to live based on that paradigm, that Christ’s new kingdom has already begun here on earth, and that Christians can experience the love, forgiveness, joy, peace and unity that Christ died for us to receive.  By their own ready admission it is a far-from-perfect effort, and only continues (and has survived many trials) by the generous grace of God. 

        So, 12 weeks after moving to the Bruderhof community in Darvell, East Sussex, how have I found it?  The biggest surprise was how quickly the family settled in, and the (significant) change of home, school and work began to feel “normal”, with few thoughts or longings for our old home & life.  As I had such a strong emotional response to the first visit, I was expecting to go through similar emotions again, but they simply never came.  The peacefulness and lack of any pressure or stress that I experienced on our first visit I now get to experience every day, which is having a very positive effect on family life, and helping me to be the Dad that I want to be, to our kids.  I’ve also enjoyed developing friendships with people that I get to see every day, and to share laughs, challenges, encouragement and support with each other.  Getting to “do life” everyday with people who have shared aims, values and beliefs is as cool as it sounds.  The school and surrounding environment are every bit as amazing as what I described in my earlier posts, and our three kids are loving life here.

        Some of the other “big questions” that we had before moving here are still relevant, like “How do you effectively be ‘salt and light’ in the world when you live in community?”, and we haven’t yet found a full answer to them.  But I feel at peace that I don’t need (or shouldn’t try) to find an “absolute answer” to these questions urgently.  They are questions that long-time members are also asking, and one reminded me, “these questions are not ones that can be answered once for all time”.  Contrary to the edited depictions of various media pieces, people in the Bruderhof do not deliberately isolate themselves from the world around them.  There are in fact many regular interactions between people here and the wider community around them, in capacities that are too many and varied to list here, which does give some opportunity for people to be “salt and light” in the world.  But it is absolutely true that there are less interactions, which is a natural result of the community model of living, working & educating from a single site, not to mention the alleviation (for most people) of having to deal with day-to-day bureaucracy.  What is absolutely intentional though, is that people in the community live by different standards to those in the world around them (even the wider Christian “world”).  Both Christ, and Paul as he mentors the early church, calls us to high standards of character and purity, and these are the standards to which members are called and held accountable to.  As someone who wants to follow and imitate Christ in an uncompromised way, it is awesome to be in a church which challenges me to live by these standards.  But in order to be Christlike, the basis of these standards must be love.  Without it, it is just pious religiosity.  I’m also grateful to report that there is an abundance of love among the people in this community.  If it were not so, we would be retreating quickly back to our former home.  

        So what about the challenges?  So far there have been much less than I might have predicted, and as backwards as it sounds, this is actually an issue.  Comfort is the enemy of faith.  This is a phrase that I pondered on a lot last year, and concluded is true from the reflections and observations of my life, and those around me, both comfortable, and uncomfortable.  The journey of deciding to come and live in the community meant going WAY out of our comfort zone, and consequently it was a time of rejuvenating our faith and tuning in much more closely to the leading of the Holy Spirit.  I commented from our first visit that I suspected it would be just as easy to live a comfortable life in community, as it was outside of community.  Our time in the community has already confirmed that suspicion.  I am already experiencing the challenge of keeping my faith invigorated, as life here is so easy going.  The many “benefits” actually make it harder to discern God’s call for us to commit our lives to living in community.  I am having to intentionally try to filter out thoughts of the many “benefits” in order to follow His leading instead of my self-interest.  In earlier decades, when the community was dirt poor and life was genuinely tough, it would have been much easier to discern this call - there is no way you would have a desire to join (as an outsider) for any self-based reasons like comfort or security.  The new Elder (Senior Pastor) of the Bruderhof has also identified that this is an issue contributing to a spiritual dryness and some unwholesome behaviours that has arisen in parts of the communities across the globe.  Recently, he sharply, but still lovingly, challenged the whole church to come to the cross of Jesus, seek repentance and renew our thirst for Jesus’ life-giving water.  I need that message as much as anyone else in this church, and I feel grateful to have a church leader with the courage to bring this message so directly and un-apologetically.

        Despite the temptation to let comfort erode my desire to seek ”living water”, the time in the community has certainly been helping me in my journey to become more Christlike.  Jesus’ first statement in the Beatitudes (Matthew 5) is “Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the Kingdom of Heaven”.  I’ve never had a great understanding or appreciation for what it means to be “poor in spirit”.  The NLT version says “Blessed are those who…realise their need for Him”, which helps to point more closely to what Jesus was saying, which is closely related to having a heart of humility.  For the first week or two I found it hard starting out in a more manual job in the community’s business.  The change in the type of work made those first days long, but I also recognised that it was zero-stress, which I was enjoying the benefits of.  This change to a more manual/basic work role has helped me on my journey of discovering new dimensions of humility that I haven’t had before.  I have been pondering on the circumstances of Jesus’s arrival to earth.  The Christmas story is so well known it’s easy to gloss over the significance of the circumstances of His arrival.  Not only did he arrive as a “helpless babe”, but the King of Kings - not some weak King, but one with “eyes like blazing fire…wearing a robe dipped in a blood…leading the armies of Heaven” (ref Revelation 19) - arrived in a mucky, smelly, animal-filled barn.  As sovereign Lord he could have chosen absolutely any place or circumstance to be born - a posh merchant’s house perhaps? Or the mayor of Bethlehem’s house?  But He chose to be born in the stable.  This has been speaking to me powerfully that if we are to truly imitate Christ, we must embrace this level of humility.  As the weeks of work have rolled on, I have begun to see my “basic” work with a new perspective.  I have begun to appreciate the importance, value, and purpose in the work, and the more I’ve realised that, the more I’ve been enjoying it.  I’ve become very aware that the subtle snares of pride are around every corner, and it is one of Satan’s most effective traps for man.  It makes me equally aware how much I need people around me all the time to help keep me from these traps.

        So is this community of brothers and sisters in Christ, the Christian community that I want to commit to serving and seeking with for the rest of my life?  While there are many positive reasons to go for it, I think it would be unwise to make such a significant decision without a greater, extended period of seeking God’s leading, and committing only for the right reasons.  And the right reason ultimately boils down to this: following the path that leads to “Well done, good and faithful servant”.  There is no denying that this church does not have everything “right”, but neither does any conventional church we’ve ever been a part of.  We could search the globe looking for the perfect church, but I know that even where God’s spirit is moving powerfully, we would not find it, and will not, until Christ comes again and with Him brings the new heaven and new earth which will be the full realisation of His mighty Kingdom.

 

Part III: Into the Unknown

A week after arriving back from our stay at the Bruderhof Christian community in Darvell, East Sussex, I’m sitting in my brand new home office, created from our recently-completed loft conversion.  The office is exactly as I planned and dreamt: timber lined (for that modern, cool work atmosphere), birch ply work desk, shelves perfectly placed for my office HiFi, plants dotted around the room, map on the wall and a comfy wing-back arm-chair for my moments of “pondering”.  With plenty of interesting work in my schedule, I should be absolutely chuffed.  But in this moment, I’m not.  My stomach is in knots; I can’t think or work properly.  The things I usually like and enjoy have lost their shine.  All I can think about is the community we departed from a week ago.  In this moment I realise that something very deep in me has shifted, and become conscious again of the many aspects of my life that are centred around what I want, rather than what God wants from me.

        The roots of my faith and belief in Jesus run deep, and extend to taking every word of the Bible seriously.  Giving up on any prioritisation of what I want no doubt sounds extreme and foolish to a non-believer, and may even be argued against by some believers.  “God surely wants us to be happy”, some Christians might say.  One of the fruits of the Spirit is joy, and it is absolutely God’s desire for us to experience it - a deep, pure and full joy.  But the path to this joy is not chasing or achieving the things that most of the (Western) world chases.  It is found, I believe, only in full submission and obedience to Christ.  It is good to remember Jesus’ words to his disciples, “If you try to hang on to your life, you will lose it. But if you give up your life for my sake, you will save it.” (Matthew 16:25).  I, along with my wife Jean, are committed to being “all in” followers of Christ.  We know that Jesus does not call us to be half-hearted followers of the Way.  These words are as convicting to me as they might be to you, because examining my life truthfully and honestly doesn’t reveal a life that has been “all in” following Christ.  I do serve God faithfully, especially through busy and active service in our local church, but I feel God calling me to a higher level of submission and obedience.  To me, being an “all in” follower of Christ means making God’s priorities my priorities.

        A passage of scripture that I have been meditating on a lot in the context of this deep “pull” that I feel towards the Bruderhof, is the part of Jesus’ sermon on the mount talking about salt and light (Matthew 5:13-16), along with Jesus’ teachings in John [15 and 17] about being “in the world, but not of the world”.  There is a valid argument from these scriptures against being part of a community where many of the members are less in the world than I am in my current life.  But those members, and the community as a whole, are also significantly less of the world than I am.  I might still say that the ultimate is pursuing in without being of, but I have always had this aim in my Christian journey, yet have been stuck a long way short for a long time, and do not have any sign of immediate progress.  The one unique aspect of a community church like the Bruderhof which can redeem individuals being less in the world, is the idea that a community as a whole can be a very bright “city on a hill”.  The potential for this seems significant and real to me.  The further our societies drift from a Christ-centred value system, with symptoms of ever-increasing division, depression, poverty and inequality (to name just a few), the more the Bruderhof communities stand out as a highly compelling alternative to the “normal” way of life.  Need I remind you, the reader: at the Bruderhof there is no poverty. Relational and marital conflicts still occur within the Bruderhof, but you are surrounded by people who love you and want to support you and your family back to full health and unity (which is especially successful when done with the values and perspective of the author of marriage, family and relationships).  

        I want to make it absolutely clear that I am not making an argument that a community-living Church like the Bruderhof is the only valid type of church and that all Christians should consider leaving their conventional churches to join one.  In fact, I believe that would be a backwards step for the advancement of God’s Kingdom here on earth.  I mentioned already (in Part II) the example of Dave and Katie Fawcett making God’s Kingdom priorities their priorities with the charity they founded.  And I’m certain that there are many more people implementing God-given ideas with the support of local churches, and others of those same local churches who are shining and sharing God’s light in the world around them.  These people are playing their part of bringing the hope of the gospel to their world.  

        But for me, it is my responsibility to assess my life, choices and priorities honestly, and listen to how God is calling me to live.  If I believe that being part of a community-living church is going to enable me to live closer to the way He is calling me to, then I have to seriously consider it, regardless of the sacrifice.  That sacrifice may seem significant, and indeed it is, but when I consider the sacrifice of Paul it seems less so.  We are not told how wealthy Paul (then Saul) was, but as a noted member of the Pharisees it is very unlikely that he was poor.  Yet we know that whatever wealth he did have was given up for the cause of Christ.  He writes to the Corinthian church, “I have been hungry and thirsty and have often gone without food. I have shivered in the cold, without enough clothing to keep me warm.”  (2 Corinthians 11:27b).  Life as a part of the Bruderhof may involve sacrifices, but it is still very comfortable compared to Paul’s.

        A central feature of the Bruderhof communities mentioned in Part 1 of the blog is that of having no private property.  Resources (including money) and possessions are administered collectively and shared among members of the community.  This “feature” is without doubt the one that triggers the strongest reaction - often objection - from those learning about this kind of church, and the basis that objectors will often use to slap the “cult” or “sect” label on it.  Out of interest, I looked up the dictionary definition of “sect”, which [from Oxford Languages] is “a group of people with somewhat different religious beliefs (typically regarded as heretical) from those of a larger group to which they belong”.  The thing is, to join the Bruderhof would not require me to change any of the core Christian beliefs that I have held for the 20-odd years that I’ve been a professing Christian.  The thing that would change is the expression of those beliefs.  Everything that I’ve seen (experienced) and read about the Bruderhof so far affirms their deep desire to follow the teachings of the Bible - the same Bible that I read - and without any intention to shift or twist those teachings.  John 17:22-23 says “I have given them the glory you gave me, so they may be one as we are one. I am in them and you are in me. May they experience such perfect unity that the world will know that you sent me and that you love them as much as you love me.”  I have read this multiple times in the past, believing absolutely that God calls us to “perfect unity”.  But I have not expressed it in the way that it can potentially be expressed in a church community. 

        So if the core beliefs are the same, they cannot be a sect.  As Jean and I have started to share this journey with people in our world, both close and not-so-close, there has been a mixture of responses.  Both support and encouragement, (including from our current church family, to their great credit!), along with caution and outright objection.  Some of this is natural and expected - there have been scores of failed intentional communities over the years, and I’m sure there are some which are unhealthy, even dangerous, but still going; Christian in name but certainly not in nature.  Anyone with wisdom will agree that it is wrong to tar them all with the same brush.  As for the Bruderhof, 100 years old and still growing in size and spread cannot be ignored.

        In regards to giving up all possessions, as I sit and ponder all of this, looking around at all the great “stuff” that we have, I feel only a sense of the “weight” of all of the possessions.  They are tying me down in place and situation, and I have a sudden urge to be free of that weight.  I have read stories from people who have given up everything for this kind of life, describing the “lightness” of having no possessions of their own (which is not to have no possessions “full stop”).  Giving over ultimate authority for what is provided to you has the obvious potential for exploitation, and I’m sure that exploitation of this nature is, at least in part, what has caused the implosion of many other intentional communities.  If the motive is power or control, then a community could rightly be called a sect - this motive is the opposite of Jesus’ teachings.  So long as Jesus truly remains front and centre of community life, there appears to me the potential to experience the joy of sharing all things, remaining confident and comfortable that the needs and desires of community members are a priority for the leadership team who administer these.

        As I continue to ponder I get a brief sense of this “lightness”, and I am eager to experience it more.  Whilst I am having these feelings, I’m aware that God may not call all believers to this particular expression in their Christian life.  A number of years ago my wife Jean received the prophetic words to her, to “travel light”.  The simplicity of this phrase belies its significance to us.  I know it was from God as it has regularly been brought up into my consciousness, but I have pushed it back down as we have been busy getting settled in a “conventional” life.  But if we jump in boots and all to community living, has all the effort of building our “conventional life”, with our just-completed house renovation, been a waste?  As well as being confident that we have been living and serving God where He wanted us over the past 9 years, I have the realisation that we need to have achieved our major dream (in the conventional-living sphere) to be able to give it up and commit to a new path in life without looking back.  If we were to commit to community life for the long-term and we hadn’t experienced a full measure of our “conventional life” dreams before-hand, then in the challenging times (of which I’m sure there would be plenty) we could suffer much more easily from the debilitating temptation to look back and think that [sticking with] conventional life would have been better.

All of this might sound like I am ready to jump in and make a lifetime commitment to this church and community life immediately.  But I still have questions, moments of doubt, and things that I potentially fear.  In the couple of weeks following our visit, Jean and I spend a lot of time re-reading scriptures in the New Testament and praying for God’s direction.  Before long, we start to believe that our encounter with the Bruderhof has been divinely planned, and that He is leading us in a new direction to this community, despite aspects of this plan that still don’t make complete sense, and that challenge aspects of our faith as we currently live it.  We are taking our steps to this new and radically different life very cautiously.  We have asked to stay with the Bruderhof community in East Sussex from January of next year.  For exactly how long is yet to be determined, but we will be listening closely to God’s voice, and continue to follow His leading.  While I don’t know yet if God’s plan for us is a short stay, extended stay or lifetime membership, I know that He is leading us there, and that we will follow.  And if it is God’s plan for us to be at the Bruderhof for the long-term, then it will be my goal to play my part in making the light of this “city” shine bright, and give the world every chance to see it.  

I'll be back!

For everyone who is interested and following our journey, both supporters and objectors, I will make a firm commitment to follow up within a year (or sooner if appropriate) and report back honestly and candidly on our time in the community.  If you are interested in finding out more about life in the Bruderhof, you COULD watch the doco which is still available on the iPlayer (called, Inside the Bruderhof), but I would more strongly recommend their book, “Another life is possible”.  While the BBC documentary gives a snapshot of their lives and way of living, it doesn’t communicate as clearly the “WHY” behind their lives and church, and also makes the community appear more isolated than what we found it to be.  The book is a balance of outstanding photography, combined with people’s stories about how and why they left their previous lives behind to join this Christian community.  For anyone interested, it is available here: https://www.bookdepository.com/Another-Life-Is-Possible/9780874863161

Part II: "Yet not my will, but yours be done"

Title quote from Luke 22:42

From the start of our stay at the Bruderhof community in Darvell, Sussex, the kids were brimming with enthusiasm from their first taste of what would be their primary experience at the Bruderhof for the week - the Bruderhof school.  Charlotte, 6 years old, comes home from her first day almost too excited for words, forcing Jean and I to “guess” her exciting news.  It was finally revealed that she is going to take part in a show!  While the kids had been practising for a few weeks, Charlotte’s class teacher generously gives her an opportunity to be a butterfly in the forthcoming “Bugz” show, to be performed at the end of the week.  This set the scene for a week of schooling that was zero hardship for our two girls, who should have been on their half-term break from school.  If Jean and I were to design from scratch our “ideal” school for our kids, the result would be something very close to the Bruderhof school.  Very small class sizes, teachers that work and teach in close collaboration with parents, an emphasis on outdoor and creative play, and a curriculum that reflects a shared biblical worldview are just some of the positive features of the Bruderhof’s schooling.  Our two girls have both had behavioural challenges at home that we as their parents have struggled to “deal with” successfully to date.  Aimee, our 4 year old, is a real surprise during the week.  She is usually the one who takes longer to adapt to change, so we are expecting the week at school to be the most difficult for her.  It is immediately evident however, that we are not going to have any of the issues that we feared we might.  What we experience is the opposite - we see the absolute best come out in her, and the behavioural issues common at home are all but completely absent. 
    The appeal of Bruderhof life for the kids is not limited to the school itself.  The whole surroundings and structure of life (daily, and seasonal) at the community in Darvell is again what we have often dreamt of for our kids.  A rural setting, the freedom to roam and explore in their spare time, plenty of inspiration to create and play outdoors, the chance to teach them in the most inspiring way the value and discipline of work and helping others (some examples of where the children are expected to help include on the farm, in the kitchen, and with the elderly), and never having to be rushed out the door to jump in the car to then sit in queues of traffic to arrive at the next activity on our busy schedule.  
    As we absorb ourselves in Bruderhof life for the week, the natural thoughts & questions start to occur of, “Could I see my family and I living here?”.  I initially start to assess the prospect on the basis of “I think these parts would be awesome!”.  For example the school, the beautiful surroundings, the absence of personal financial pressures, the enjoyable parts of living in close community, and numerous others.  And then balancing that with the parts that seem “not so awesome” to me, for example the convictions of how members should dress (men, as well as women), my feeling of leaving the England I love to live in a culture which bears virtually no connection to British popular culture, and giving up a whole host of individual freedoms to go, live, explore, work and play as I wish.  But I soon begin to realise that to assess the prospect of joining a Christian community like the Bruderhof on that basis is to completely miss the point.  Their whole way of life, including the so-called “pros and cons” of that life, is simply an expression of their deep conviction that this is the way Jesus calls them to live.  All of a sudden I start to reassess the prospect of being part of a community like the Bruderhof on the basis of what Jesus wants from me, not what I want for me.  The “not so awesome” parts of this life start to seem less significant.  That isn’t to say I have U-turned 180 degrees and wholly endorse all aspects of their convictions. 
    Tackling the “dress code” specifically, as I stated in Part 1 of this blog series, I am very supportive and on-board with the principle of modesty in the way we dress.  The Bruderhof standard of modesty might be a little stricter than what I currently apply in our family, but it wouldn’t be a big deal for me to tighten my definition of modest dress.  However, aside from modesty specifically, there are elements in clothing involving colour and variety, which are very limited within the Bruderhof dress, and I still feel a small sadness that they are missing out on that.  We have a saying that we have recently adopted in our house, to “dress joyfully”.  I love seeing the girls dressed in bright, colourful outfits of different shapes and combinations, and as long as my standard of modesty is met, think that Jesus enjoys seeing them too.  But it is very important to note that no one, neither men nor women, are forced into this life and its sacrifices.  Even if you grow up in the Bruderhof, you cannot join yourself until the age of 21.  School-leavers are actively encouraged to go out and experience life in the world before making the decision to join the Bruderhof as an adult.  And if they do come back (and many do), they are making the decision with full awareness of what it entails (including the “dress code”), and with an alternative life path clearly available.  It must also be added for fairness, that the children seem to be granted a little more freedom in their dress.  We did see girls with more colourful dresses, even if the style didn’t vary much.  But my view on the dress, as well as the barrier from the American “flavour” of the culture, start to take a fresh turn towards the end of the week.  
    At some point in the last couple of days, I have a sudden realisation that because everyone’s dress is so similar, I cannot “predict” (read, prejudge) anyone’s personality that I would naturally do upon meeting a new bunch of people in my normal world.  When I meet members around the village, I start to look very quickly (if not instantly) past their attire/appearance, and instead discover their personality purely from the actual interaction and conversation I have with them.  This is true for both the men and the women.  For the men, their typical attire is not as dramatically different from worldly mens attire as it is for the women, but is similar to the “social group” of men in the world that I wouldn’t normally/naturally gravitate to.  However in the same way as with the women, this aspect that is a barrier at the start of the week, becomes almost non-existent by the end.  And the same is true for the American accents that are so prevalent - by the end of the week I cannot “hear” the accent anymore.  On this latter aspect, I am reminded of and convicted by the scripture in Philippians 3:20 (NLT): “But we [brothers and sisters in Christ] are citizens of heaven, where the Lord Jesus Christ lives”.  

As I walk back into the “shop” (factory) in the middle of our week, I am collared by an elderly gentleman called Don, who is currently in a wheelchair (due to a recent knee replacement, I later learn).  He gives me a typically warm and friendly welcome to the Bruderhof, but extends that to an invitation to afternoon tea at his “flat” in the community.  I accept, and tell my colleagues at the shop that I’ll be unavailable from three o’clock that afternoon due to Don’s invitation, which based on the encouragement of the others, is more important for me than to work.  Their response also tells me that Don has a bit of a reputation for this, and may be quite a “character”.  I brace myself a little, but am eager to have a good and deep conversation with an elderly member of the Bruderhof.  When the time comes around I head to Don’s “house”, and get chatting.  It’s evident that Don loves to talk, but not in an unhealthy or one-sided way.  He is interested in us, our background and why we’ve come to visit the Bruderhof.  He shares his story of how he came to the Bruderhof in the early part of his working life, and it is clear that he had a strong and real encounter with God when he took the step into the Bruderhof church family.  We get on to the topic of the main thing I’m currently struggling to reconcile with the Bruderhof approach to living for Christ, which is (from what I can presently see) the absence of proactively sharing the gospel with people, especially the aspect of “telling people” about Jesus.  Don’s response has a slightly different nuance to what I’ve heard so far - he asserts more positively that we should indeed be sharing the gospel with people, if the opportunity is given.  We don’t explore it at great length, and he may well believe that sharing opportunities are best created when we first “live” and show the gospel with our actions, to which I would also agree.  But the more positive and assertive tone in his response gives me a glimmer of hope that there is an appetite, at least among some of the community members, to be more active in this area than what I've currently seen.
    With some hope for this area restored, I find it easier to continue my two primary objectives for the week of being challenged in the way I “live for Jesus”, and to open my mind to learn from this group of Christians who live very differently from how I do.  
    To pursue these objectives requires me to reach a new level of humility than what is perhaps normal for me.  But this is made much easier by the incredible level of humility among all of the members.  A core value of the Bruderhof church is that no one is more important than any other, regardless of their role.  Each community has a Pastoral team who oversee the wellbeing of the members at that community.  Jean got chatting to a Darvell pastor’s wife.  She described their role as being at the bottom of a funnel, where they and the other leaders were at the bottom, supporting the rest of the members above them.  In other words, they operate completely in a spirit of servant-leadership.  Her quote to Jean was along the lines of, “If you go to a church and can tell who the pastor is by their appearance, RUN!!”.  While this is at odds to what is openly encouraged in many of my pentecostal church experiences, the fruit of this absolute humility and unity among the Bruderhof is undeniably appealing.  Along with this humility is an associated openness.  Whenever Jean or I discussed or raised anything with people that was in any way challenging or thought-provoking, there was no defensiveness or immediate counter-argument, but instead a clear willingness to listen to our point of view.
    Despite there still being some significant gaps in my current convictions about how to “live for Jesus” vs how people in the Bruderhof are convicted to live, it is this openness and humility that keeps the door open for me to step across to their way of living (or what it feels more like, to fly across space from my current planet to theirs).  To try and move forward with this “wrestle”, I must take the focus completely off what I want, and completely on what He wants.  In other words, I must ask the question first, “Lord, how do YOU wish me to live?”, and secondly, “Which specific part do you wish me to play in ‘Letting Your will be done on earth, as it is in Heaven’?”.  
    If from a fresh look at at the gospels, my answer is to share everything in common with my fellow brothers and sisters in Christ (as the early church did), and to live according to the highest standard of purity, without any excess of possessions, then I must look seriously at joining this “movement”.  For this case, the “peculiarities” of their lives and lifestyle become a non-issue because the “lifestyle” is simply an expression of these beliefs.  
    If on the other hand, my answer is that sharing and minimising materialism is important, but not a central pillar around which our church and lives should be structured, then I won’t find a happy home in the Bruderhof, and should continue in a conventional church, continuing to serve God according to my convictions.  The question of how I live for Jesus is something that I believe God wants me to choose the answer to.  I believe God wants us to look at what He has already said, and make the choice about how, and how much (or how closely), we are going to live in a way that pleases Him and brings glory to His name.
    To answer the second question regarding our part in God’s plans in our world, I think it is important to seek Him about how and where He wants us to serve in His church and build His Kingdom.  This question I think is one that God does tend to answer more directly and specifically to us.  On this note, having completed the week with the Bruderhof and having had a little time to bring together my thoughts and reflections, I think it is completely, equally valid and possible to please God and store up significant “treasure in Heaven” from a “conventional” life and church basis (reference Matthew 6:19-21).
    An outstanding and inspiring example of this are the lives of Dave and Katie Fawcett, close friends of our current church, and founder of the charity Happy Days.  I can’t tell their story anywhere near as compelling as they can, but in essence they gave up a lot of “personal pleasures” to establish a charity that doesn’t just “get homeless people off the street”, but actually restores them to a place where they understand their value and significance, and can return to contributing to society through work and other means.  This charity and its fruit is not just about the Fawcetts though, it’s about the countless donors who contribute from their income derived from “normal jobs”, which make this work possible.  This is just one example, and I could give countless others.
    I think it is possible to see the value and legitimacy of a community such as the Bruderhof for [the standards of] how you believe God desires us to live generally speaking, but still not be the right thing for you to be part of such a community if God has called (prompted) you to serve in a way that, practically speaking, is best done from a conventional local church.  And for those of us who don’t believe that living in community (having the “sharing of all things” as a central pillar) is what God desires for them or their church, there remains a huge value that the Bruderhof can offer, acting as a crystal-clear mirror which we can (and should!) hold up against our own lives and churches, to reassess and perhaps reset how we “do life together”.  I know from personal experience how easy it is to allow too much secular culture and thinking to influence our values and world-view.
    I can absolutely see the potential of a conventional church that uses the example of the Bruderhof to grow stronger and more active in sharing with and supporting one another, being more humble and having an even greater focus on commitment and unity, while members continue to live based on the convention of individual (family) income, which is generously given for the work of the Kingdom.  But that still involves having to fight relentlessly against the vortex of popular culture, and navigating the kids of those churches through an increasing tirade of messages and expectations that are completely counter to core Christian values.
    The Bruderhof is, by the open admission of the members, not the perfect church, and it is clearly communicated to me that they do not see themselves as “superior” to other Christian churches.  It seems possible to me that one could join the Bruderhof and live a comfortable life in the community, avoiding Jesus’ call for them to truly “live by faith”, as equally as someone in a conventional church with a secure job.  But they are deeply committed and convicted to live the way that they do.  There are numerous aspects of my current theology vs theirs that I’ve not even attempted yet to fully understand - pacifism and the understanding/experience of the Holy Spirit are to name but two.  Someone quoted the Bruderhof founder’s son, J. Heinrich Arnold, as saying (paraphrased), “If we found another group where we saw the love of Jesus expressed more fully and clearly than it is among us, I believe that we would want to relinquish our current identity and join them”.  It is this deep conviction and humble attitude still evident in the members today, that despite the bridges as yet uncrossed, continues to create a “pull” for me towards the Bruderhof.  
    There is a great weight in this deliberation, in that to ultimately become a member of the Bruderhof is to make a commitment to the church for life.  This is not something one does for a season.  Adding to the mix the absolutely legitimate wish for our kids to grow up in a wholesome environment leaves me in a place of great wrestling in my spirit, but as a consequence, a fresh hunger to seek God more than ever before about how He wishes us to live and serve Him for our short time on this earth.  

“To him who has ears, let him hear” (Matthew 11:15).  Lord, let me have ears.

To be continued...

There is one more part to come!  If you are interested in finding out more about life in the Bruderhof, you COULD watch the doco which is still available on the iPlayer (called, Inside the Bruderhof), but I would more strongly recommend their book, “Another life is possible”.  While the BBC documentary gives a snapshot of their lives and way of living, it doesn’t communicate as clearly the “WHY” behind their lives and church, and also makes the community appear more isolated than what we found it to be.  The book is a balance of outstanding photography, combined with people’s stories about how and why they left their previous lives behind to join this Christian community.  For anyone interested, it is available here: https://www.bookdepository.com/Another-Life-Is-Possible/9780874863161

Part I: Discovering the Bruderhof

Preface

The following blog series is the story of our encounter with the Bruderhof Christian community.  The posts of this blog, “The Big Adventure Blog”, were originally about our [more “traditional”] adventure driving across the continent to Iran in a Land Rover.  This latest “adventure” doesn’t quite fit the traditional definition, but has been no less life-changing.  It has the potential to be an adventure that carries on in to the sunset, with no fixed final destination until we meet our maker in the next stage of life.

    On that note, if you're an atheist or even agnostic, there might be parts of this story that are hard to understand, as it is written in the context of an accepted belief in a real, living God, His son Jesus, and that the Bible contains the truth of how to live with the purpose for which we were created.  If you are allergic to those beliefs you will probably want to give this blog series a miss.

Part 1: Discovering the Bruderhof

“In a Sussex village, a community has turned its back on the modern world to live a life free of money, crime and homelessness. But one young resident is questioning her future”.  

    This was the short synopsis of a documentary I stumbled across, while flicking (virtually) through the iPlayer’s Documentary catalogue one day in 2020.  As someone who is very conscious of the perils of our modern, hi-tech, fast-paced lives, and is often looking for inspiration from simpler, some might say “alternative” lifestyles, it was instantly a “must-watch”.  (I must add a side-note, that I absolutely recognise many of the huge benefits of technology and its advances, and it is the core of my current work.  I remain with a “love-hate” relationship with technology).

    The documentary is about the Bruderhof (“Place of Brothers” in German) - a Christian community founded 100 years ago whose primary aim is to live as closely as possible to the teachings of Jesus in the gospels, particularly the Sermon on the Mount.  I’m sure any Christian reading this would think, “Yes that’s my aim, too”, as I would if I were reading this from someone else’s account.  But their way of living is radically different to mine, which prompts an instant challenge: What are they reading from the gospels, that I’m missing?  Or is it the other way around?

    I watch the 38 minute documentary (herein referred to as “the doco”) through, which captures a snapshot of their lives in the Sussex village.  This centres around communal living, sharing everything they have (no private property or belongings, aside from basic personal effects), living in unity with each other, and making children and family the priority of community life.  From the 38 minute snapshot, in the most positive light it does come across as somewhat Utopian, but as someone in the doco points out, “It’s not a Utopia - we still all have to work!”.  The wider Bruderhof church (they also like to use the term “movement”) has several businesses across their 27 communities around the world, the majority of which are located in the US and Europe.  Many members work in the businesses, some work in professional jobs outside the community, and others work around the community village doing the various jobs necessary to make communal life run smoothly.  Many aspects of their lifestyle shown in the doco appeal to me - the more relaxed pace of life, the schools with (very) small class sizes, the emphasis on spending time outdoors, the focus on family life, the absence of much of the “stuff” I have, including the hi-tech stuff (ref. The love-hate feeling towards technology).  The “cost” of this life that jumps out primarily is the relinquishing of your own personal finances.  No one earns a salary in the Bruderhof - the “sharing of all things” is taken in the economic sphere, to the extreme.  This applies at all levels, so there is no exception for the Bruderhof leadership (pastors and elders).  Though they would not like the use of the term “levels”, as another core-value is humility, and that everyone is of equal value, regardless of their role in the community.  In return for this “cost”, everyone is provided for, and all of their needs are supported whole-heartedly from birth through to the end of their lives.  The school and nursery provides an educational environment that the royals would approve of, and at the other end of life, the elderly, impaired or disabled are all cared for with an amount of love and attention (including medical attention) that I don’t think any amount of money could buy.  And while an “absence of any material excess” is also very much a core-value, I can attest that despite the absence of many of the “things” we have in our home, their lives are comfortable, if still basic by my frugal standards.

    The second aspect that jumps out visually from the doco, is that the dress of the women in the Bruderhof is significantly different to what is “normal”, both in the world and churches I’ve been a part of (which between those two there is often not a lot of difference).  From my conservative views I am supportive of the modesty aspect of their dress, but have a small feeling of sadness that they don’t have the opportunity to dress more “joyfully” (a term we’ve started to use recently in our home).  At this point I’ll move on from this aspect, and return to it in a later part of the blog series.

    After I finish watching the doco, I am left with a feeling of fascination, intrigue and desire to learn more about this “alternative” Christian community.  In part I’m in awe that despite being a Christian more-or-less my whole life, and knowing, I thought, about all branches of the Christian church, I had no idea that a church like this existed!  My intrigue leads me to a couple of their Youtube channels, where members talk about Bruderhof community life, the challenges and rewards, and answer questions from viewers about different aspects of their lives and faith/beliefs.  Their different conviction to mine of how we should apply Jesus’ teachings in our lives is challenging to me, and I continue to watch and learn more about their lives and faith.  Trying to reconcile their convictions with my own, I get stuck on the issue of evangelism - sharing the gospel with others in my world.  This doesn’t appear to be an emphasis in the Bruderhof.  The emphasis appears instead to be living your life in a way that demonstrates the gospel, rather than telling people about the gospel.  I have grown up in a Pentecostal church culture, where telling people about the gospel is a core value, and regardless of how well or not I do this personally, I still believe this is what Jesus calls us to do.  When Jesus is preparing “the seventy two” He is sending out in Luke chapter 10, He instructs them (verse 9, NIV), “Heal the sick who are there and tell them, ‘The kingdom of God has come near to you.’”.  A bit stuck on this point, I dial back my interest in the Bruderhof, but continue to receive their newsletter by email, of which I might read bits and pieces, and watch the occasional Youtube video.

    The August email newsletter lands in my inbox, and within it contains an invitation which I have seen before: “If you would like to visit the Bruderhof, you would be very welcome”.  On a bit of a whim, I send off an email in September, giving a brief background of our family, and asking if it would be possible for us to visit and stay for a few days.  At this point, I have not told my wife, Jean, about requesting this!  She too watched the doco and Youtube videos, and was interested in Bruderhof life, but her interest is not the strong fascination that I have. 

Feeling somewhat guilty that I have potentially arranged a family “holiday” without consulting with her, I gently reveal to my wife, Jean, that I’ve emailed the Bruderhof to ask if they would have us to stay for a few days.  Having gone self-employed this year, and spending all spare money on our loft-conversion, I try to “sell” the plan by framing it as “Our only chance to get out of Yorkshire this year” (which I must humbly admit, was in fact a small part of the motivation for me to arrange the trip down).  This isn’t something that Jean would arrange of her own accord, but she shows her love for me and my somewhat crazy plan by agreeing willingly to the prospect of a week’s stay with the Bruderhof.  A reply from Ian at the Bruderhof community in Darvell, Sussex, lands in my inbox the next day saying, “You would be very welcome!”.  We arrange the visit for the last week of October, when the girls have a half-term break from their local school.

    I don’t feel the need to make too many mental preparations - I know we are adaptable as a family and am confident we will be able to go along fairly easily with the different, communal way of life, at least for a week!  In the days leading up to our drive down to Sussex we are hit by illness across the family.  Along with the usual stresses and pressures of our current lives, and the fact that my interest in the Bruderhof was currently well below its peak, we both question our plans: “Why are we doing this again? Wouldn’t it be better to take the week off to stay around home and rest?”.  Despite these significant doubts, we continue with our plan.

So on a warm-for-October Monday morning, we set off on the 5-hour journey to Sussex.  For our main stop in Peterborough, we go to an indoor play-gym for an hour or so, to give the kids a chance to run around and play (and hopefully help Harry, our 20-month old son, to be tired enough to sleep again in the car).  Even though we haven’t yet arrived in Darvell, I am acutely aware of the contrast between the environment we are presently placed in, and what I am expecting to find in the Bruderhof community.  The play-gym is heaving with kids and parents.  Not only loud, noisy and overly “un-peaceful”, it is Halloween week, and staff are dressed up as witches, monsters and skeletons, and the place is decorated with all manner of ornaments referencing things of a dark and evil nature.  Very glad to get out of there, we continue our journey to Darvell.  

    We are met on arrival by the husband of our host family, Hardy Boller.  Being introduced by text already, my strong suspicion that he is of American origin/background is confirmed when we first exchange greetings.  We soon discover that the large majority of the 260 community members here (at least, the many we talked to) have the same light-American accent.  It does feel from this initial experience that we’ve left England and entered some sort of mini American enclave.  Our host family, Hardy, wife Marguerite and their 2-year old son are very warm and friendly, and we’re guided up to our “flat” next to theirs, in one of the residential buildings.  We find welcome signs with our names on the doors of the bedrooms - a touch which further adds to the warmth of the welcome.  The flat, which is spotlessly-clean, has a living+dining area and bedrooms just for us, and a communal kitchen area that we share.  There are toilets and a shower just for our use, but they are through the shared kitchen, which is a bit of a frustrating design flaw.  The flat is colourfully decorated, if a bit aged, and the furniture and living essentials (cookware, appliances etc) are not “fancy”, but of a high quality.   

After the kids are settled in bed, we spend the evening chatting to Hardy, Marguerite and Hardy’s parents, who also are part of the Darvell community.  It’s immediately clear that they are not living in any sort of bubble of the happenings of the world around them - we chat about current affairs over a couple of glasses of wine, and they share a little bit of their experience living in community.  Hardy’s family lived outside the community for 8 years, which I think helps them to relate to us in a slightly easier way than perhaps some of the others.

Strong work ethic is a core-value of the Bruderhof, and as this is not a holiday, I am expected (and expecting) to work.  Down at the factory of Community Playthings, a Bruderhof business which manufactures high quality wooden furniture and play equipment for nurseries and schools, I am set to work doing some easy table assembly.  I am immediately struck by the peaceful atmosphere in the workplace.  While I generally appreciate a quiet workplace, this peacefulness was on another level.  The value of work is strong, but so is the value of relationships.  So it was no problem for the people I was working with to slow down a bit or even pause a few minutes in order to talk to me, asking about our lives and why we had come to visit.  This I really appreciated, as my desire to understand more about the Bruderhof way of living for Jesus is re-awakened.  In these first couple of days with the Bruderhof I am able to bring to my conscience something that I felt but hadn’t previously been able to identify, that my current life is falling a reasonable way short of how Jesus might want, and be asking me (and by extension, my family) to live.  That isn’t to say that I am doing nothing to serve His Kingdom or help the poor and needy as the Gospels clearly admonish us to do, we are.  But I can identify that more is possible and desired of me.  With that backdrop, I nail down two (related) objectives for the week: 1. To be challenged about how I am living my life, and 2. To be open and ready to learn.

    A question that I posed long before our visit was, do these people have what I would assess as a genuine and real faith?  Are they just living faithfully with religious practises, or do they have a relationship with God that is active and alive?  One of the guys in the “shop” (factory), is particularly keen on conversation of a spiritual nature, which is what I really want to discuss.  I latch on to this and explore a number of spiritual topics with him.  It is quickly obvious that indeed he does have a genuine, living relationship with God.  During the week I met more like him, as well as others where it was harder to tell - people who didn’t seem as obviously close in their relationship to God.  I don’t say that to make any judgements whatsoever on those folk (I’d known them for all of “5 minutes”), but to make the observation that it seemed in fact the same as my experience within the pentecostal church, where different people are in different “places”, or different stages of their journey with God.  

    Speaking of my pentecostal church background, after a couple of days in the shop I broach the subject which I am currently struggling to reconcile from my current “theology” to that of the Bruderhof’s, which is the approach to evangelism.  In that conversation, and in another Jean has with someone else later, a saying often attributed to St Francis of Assisi is quoted: “Preach the gospel at all times; use words if necessary”.  I don’t disagree with this creed at all, that we should “live the gospel” and that our lives and actions should line up as closely as possible with what Jesus teaches, but I am still left with the feeling that the “necessity of words” is under-appreciated from what I know and continue to read in the gospels.  With my initial enthusiasm of our time here slightly deflated, I’m not sure exactly what to do next for my “being challenged” and “learning” objectives, but I carry on with work in the shop, and wait to get home and hear how the girls’ day in the Bruderhof school has gone.

To be continued...

There are two more parts to come!  If you are interested in finding out more about life in the Bruderhof, you COULD watch the doco which is still available on the iPlayer (called, Inside the Bruderhof), but I would more strongly recommend their book, “Another life is possible”.  While the BBC documentary gives a snapshot of their lives and way of living, it doesn’t communicate as clearly the “WHY” behind their lives and church, and also makes the community appear more isolated than what we found it to be.  The book is a balance of outstanding photography, combined with people’s stories about how and why they left their previous lives behind to join this Christian community.  For anyone interested, it is available here: https://www.bookdepository.com/Another-Life-Is-Possible/9780874863161

Christmas, Giving, and our values regarding possessions in our family

If you’re one of our close friends or family who loves to give gifts to our family (the kids particularly), then we would appreciate it if you can read this post through to the end.  Apologies it is quite long, but I will try to keep it as short as I reasonably can!

This message is prompted as we approach Christmas time - the “season of giving” - which everyone in our family is excited about (well, maybe not exactly Harry just yet, but he’s happy to join in with our excitement!). 

We firstly want to acknowledge that we have incredibly generous friends and family around us who have been very generous to our family in lots of different ways, and we really appreciate all of that generosity.  We have had to buy much less for our kids than other families, which has been a huge blessing.

As we raise our 3 kids there are values which are important to us, and which we want to instil in them as they grow and mature.  One of those sets of values is around our “stuff” - our possessions: what we buy, and what we don’t [need to].  What we use and how we use it.  What we make and what it’s made of.  What can we “make again” (mend)?  Most of all, how we value our “stuff”.

A lot of our values in this area are opposed to the consumer-culture that has become the norm in our Western culture.  For us, we believe strongly in owning fewer things, and placing a high value on the things we do own - a value that goes beyond the £ price that might have been paid for an item.  We similarly have strong values of trying to minimise waste and having to discard things that are no longer wanted or usable (and can’t be repaired).

These are the values that we are working to instil in our kids, and we would really appreciate the people around us supporting that with the type of gifts that are given. 

If you are wanting to give gifts to the kids, the following keys can help to support us in this:

• Giving one item of a higher quality/value over multiple lower-valued items
• Avoiding physical gifts that are likely to have a short life (ie something poor quality that would break easily)
• Consider giving an alternative to a physical item - something like a voucher to come and do something or make something with you, doing craft etc - the girls would LOVE that.
• Similar to above - giving an experience voucher of some kind.  The kids love Tong Garden centre’s play-gym, or would love to go horse-riding again.
• Pooling together with someone else who might also be giving to the kids, to give one more valuable thing between you.

[On a slight tangent] We also have strong values of healthy eating in our family - particularly limiting the amount of sugar that we eat - so please don’t buy the girls lots of sweets or chocolate (a small amount is fine)

We understand that what we’re asking is not so “normal”, and can be difficult for people to whom giving lots of gifts is part of their culture and what they love to do.  Whilst acknowledging that it’s difficult, we would ask people to do their best to understand and appreciate the culture that we’re trying to implement in our family.

For those people that love to give a traditional gift, below are the girls’ current interests & passions that will help you to choose something for them that they will value for a long time:

• Charlotte: drawing, swimming, creating/making/craft, singing, sign language, climbing/exploring, bright clothing, board/card games
• Aimee: painting, baking, reading/stories, puzzles, fashion (flamboyant pieces)

(For Harry, he is a boy who is in want of nothing.  We currently have all the things to keep him well maintained and entertained at his current age and beyond.  Unless there is something that you particularly, especially want to buy for him, please don’t feel you need to buy him something, eg. to match something you’ve bought for the girls.  We are very happy for you to wait until he is older before buying him “things”).

Thank you for reading through to the end, and again we want to say that we are grateful for all the gifts and other forms of generosity that have been shown to us over the past few years.  If you have any questions or would like us to clarify anything from this, or would simply like to check if the girls already have something or not, or would like any specific gift ideas, please feel free to message or call us.