From the start of our stay at the Bruderhof community in Darvell, Sussex, the kids were brimming with enthusiasm from their first taste of what would be their primary experience at the Bruderhof for the week - the Bruderhof school. Charlotte, 6 years old, comes home from her first day almost too excited for words, forcing Jean and I to “guess” her exciting news. It was finally revealed that she is going to take part in a show! While the kids had been practising for a few weeks, Charlotte’s class teacher generously gives her an opportunity to be a butterfly in the forthcoming “Bugz” show, to be performed at the end of the week. This set the scene for a week of schooling that was zero hardship for our two girls, who should have been on their half-term break from school. If Jean and I were to design from scratch our “ideal” school for our kids, the result would be something very close to the Bruderhof school. Very small class sizes, teachers that work and teach in close collaboration with parents, an emphasis on outdoor and creative play, and a curriculum that reflects a shared biblical worldview are just some of the positive features of the Bruderhof’s schooling. Our two girls have both had behavioural challenges at home that we as their parents have struggled to “deal with” successfully to date. Aimee, our 4 year old, is a real surprise during the week. She is usually the one who takes longer to adapt to change, so we are expecting the week at school to be the most difficult for her. It is immediately evident however, that we are not going to have any of the issues that we feared we might. What we experience is the opposite - we see the absolute best come out in her, and the behavioural issues common at home are all but completely absent.
The appeal of Bruderhof life for the kids is not limited to the school itself. The whole surroundings and structure of life (daily, and seasonal) at the community in Darvell is again what we have often dreamt of for our kids. A rural setting, the freedom to roam and explore in their spare time, plenty of inspiration to create and play outdoors, the chance to teach them in the most inspiring way the value and discipline of work and helping others (some examples of where the children are expected to help include on the farm, in the kitchen, and with the elderly), and never having to be rushed out the door to jump in the car to then sit in queues of traffic to arrive at the next activity on our busy schedule.
As we absorb ourselves in Bruderhof life for the week, the natural thoughts & questions start to occur of, “Could I see my family and I living here?”. I initially start to assess the prospect on the basis of “I think these parts would be awesome!”. For example the school, the beautiful surroundings, the absence of personal financial pressures, the enjoyable parts of living in close community, and numerous others. And then balancing that with the parts that seem “not so awesome” to me, for example the convictions of how members should dress (men, as well as women), my feeling of leaving the England I love to live in a culture which bears virtually no connection to British popular culture, and giving up a whole host of individual freedoms to go, live, explore, work and play as I wish. But I soon begin to realise that to assess the prospect of joining a Christian community like the Bruderhof on that basis is to completely miss the point. Their whole way of life, including the so-called “pros and cons” of that life, is simply an expression of their deep conviction that this is the way Jesus calls them to live. All of a sudden I start to reassess the prospect of being part of a community like the Bruderhof on the basis of what Jesus wants from me, not what I want for me. The “not so awesome” parts of this life start to seem less significant. That isn’t to say I have U-turned 180 degrees and wholly endorse all aspects of their convictions.
Tackling the “dress code” specifically, as I stated in Part 1 of this blog series, I am very supportive and on-board with the principle of modesty in the way we dress. The Bruderhof standard of modesty might be a little stricter than what I currently apply in our family, but it wouldn’t be a big deal for me to tighten my definition of modest dress. However, aside from modesty specifically, there are elements in clothing involving colour and variety, which are very limited within the Bruderhof dress, and I still feel a small sadness that they are missing out on that. We have a saying that we have recently adopted in our house, to “dress joyfully”. I love seeing the girls dressed in bright, colourful outfits of different shapes and combinations, and as long as my standard of modesty is met, think that Jesus enjoys seeing them too. But it is very important to note that no one, neither men nor women, are forced into this life and its sacrifices. Even if you grow up in the Bruderhof, you cannot join yourself until the age of 21. School-leavers are actively encouraged to go out and experience life in the world before making the decision to join the Bruderhof as an adult. And if they do come back (and many do), they are making the decision with full awareness of what it entails (including the “dress code”), and with an alternative life path clearly available. It must also be added for fairness, that the children seem to be granted a little more freedom in their dress. We did see girls with more colourful dresses, even if the style didn’t vary much. But my view on the dress, as well as the barrier from the American “flavour” of the culture, start to take a fresh turn towards the end of the week.
At some point in the last couple of days, I have a sudden realisation that because everyone’s dress is so similar, I cannot “predict” (read, prejudge) anyone’s personality that I would naturally do upon meeting a new bunch of people in my normal world. When I meet members around the village, I start to look very quickly (if not instantly) past their attire/appearance, and instead discover their personality purely from the actual interaction and conversation I have with them. This is true for both the men and the women. For the men, their typical attire is not as dramatically different from worldly mens attire as it is for the women, but is similar to the “social group” of men in the world that I wouldn’t normally/naturally gravitate to. However in the same way as with the women, this aspect that is a barrier at the start of the week, becomes almost non-existent by the end. And the same is true for the American accents that are so prevalent - by the end of the week I cannot “hear” the accent anymore. On this latter aspect, I am reminded of and convicted by the scripture in Philippians 3:20 (NLT): “But we [brothers and sisters in Christ] are citizens of heaven, where the Lord Jesus Christ lives”.
As I walk back into the “shop” (factory) in the middle of our week, I am collared by an elderly gentleman called Don, who is currently in a wheelchair (due to a recent knee replacement, I later learn). He gives me a typically warm and friendly welcome to the Bruderhof, but extends that to an invitation to afternoon tea at his “flat” in the community. I accept, and tell my colleagues at the shop that I’ll be unavailable from three o’clock that afternoon due to Don’s invitation, which based on the encouragement of the others, is more important for me than to work. Their response also tells me that Don has a bit of a reputation for this, and may be quite a “character”. I brace myself a little, but am eager to have a good and deep conversation with an elderly member of the Bruderhof. When the time comes around I head to Don’s “house”, and get chatting. It’s evident that Don loves to talk, but not in an unhealthy or one-sided way. He is interested in us, our background and why we’ve come to visit the Bruderhof. He shares his story of how he came to the Bruderhof in the early part of his working life, and it is clear that he had a strong and real encounter with God when he took the step into the Bruderhof church family. We get on to the topic of the main thing I’m currently struggling to reconcile with the Bruderhof approach to living for Christ, which is (from what I can presently see) the absence of proactively sharing the gospel with people, especially the aspect of “telling people” about Jesus. Don’s response has a slightly different nuance to what I’ve heard so far - he asserts more positively that we should indeed be sharing the gospel with people, if the opportunity is given. We don’t explore it at great length, and he may well believe that sharing opportunities are best created when we first “live” and show the gospel with our actions, to which I would also agree. But the more positive and assertive tone in his response gives me a glimmer of hope that there is an appetite, at least among some of the community members, to be more active in this area than what I've currently seen.
With some hope for this area restored, I find it easier to continue my two primary objectives for the week of being challenged in the way I “live for Jesus”, and to open my mind to learn from this group of Christians who live very differently from how I do.
To pursue these objectives requires me to reach a new level of humility than what is perhaps normal for me. But this is made much easier by the incredible level of humility among all of the members. A core value of the Bruderhof church is that no one is more important than any other, regardless of their role. Each community has a Pastoral team who oversee the wellbeing of the members at that community. Jean got chatting to a Darvell pastor’s wife. She described their role as being at the bottom of a funnel, where they and the other leaders were at the bottom, supporting the rest of the members above them. In other words, they operate completely in a spirit of servant-leadership. Her quote to Jean was along the lines of, “If you go to a church and can tell who the pastor is by their appearance, RUN!!”. While this is at odds to what is openly encouraged in many of my pentecostal church experiences, the fruit of this absolute humility and unity among the Bruderhof is undeniably appealing. Along with this humility is an associated openness. Whenever Jean or I discussed or raised anything with people that was in any way challenging or thought-provoking, there was no defensiveness or immediate counter-argument, but instead a clear willingness to listen to our point of view.
Despite there still being some significant gaps in my current convictions about how to “live for Jesus” vs how people in the Bruderhof are convicted to live, it is this openness and humility that keeps the door open for me to step across to their way of living (or what it feels more like, to fly across space from my current planet to theirs). To try and move forward with this “wrestle”, I must take the focus completely off what I want, and completely on what He wants. In other words, I must ask the question first, “Lord, how do YOU wish me to live?”, and secondly, “Which specific part do you wish me to play in ‘Letting Your will be done on earth, as it is in Heaven’?”.
If from a fresh look at at the gospels, my answer is to share everything in common with my fellow brothers and sisters in Christ (as the early church did), and to live according to the highest standard of purity, without any excess of possessions, then I must look seriously at joining this “movement”. For this case, the “peculiarities” of their lives and lifestyle become a non-issue because the “lifestyle” is simply an expression of these beliefs.
If on the other hand, my answer is that sharing and minimising materialism is important, but not a central pillar around which our church and lives should be structured, then I won’t find a happy home in the Bruderhof, and should continue in a conventional church, continuing to serve God according to my convictions. The question of how I live for Jesus is something that I believe God wants me to choose the answer to. I believe God wants us to look at what He has already said, and make the choice about how, and how much (or how closely), we are going to live in a way that pleases Him and brings glory to His name.
To answer the second question regarding our part in God’s plans in our world, I think it is important to seek Him about how and where He wants us to serve in His church and build His Kingdom. This question I think is one that God does tend to answer more directly and specifically to us. On this note, having completed the week with the Bruderhof and having had a little time to bring together my thoughts and reflections, I think it is completely, equally valid and possible to please God and store up significant “treasure in Heaven” from a “conventional” life and church basis (reference Matthew 6:19-21).
An outstanding and inspiring example of this are the lives of Dave and Katie Fawcett, close friends of our current church, and founder of the charity Happy Days. I can’t tell their story anywhere near as compelling as they can, but in essence they gave up a lot of “personal pleasures” to establish a charity that doesn’t just “get homeless people off the street”, but actually restores them to a place where they understand their value and significance, and can return to contributing to society through work and other means. This charity and its fruit is not just about the Fawcetts though, it’s about the countless donors who contribute from their income derived from “normal jobs”, which make this work possible. This is just one example, and I could give countless others.
I think it is possible to see the value and legitimacy of a community such as the Bruderhof for [the standards of] how you believe God desires us to live generally speaking, but still not be the right thing for you to be part of such a community if God has called (prompted) you to serve in a way that, practically speaking, is best done from a conventional local church. And for those of us who don’t believe that living in community (having the “sharing of all things” as a central pillar) is what God desires for them or their church, there remains a huge value that the Bruderhof can offer, acting as a crystal-clear mirror which we can (and should!) hold up against our own lives and churches, to reassess and perhaps reset how we “do life together”. I know from personal experience how easy it is to allow too much secular culture and thinking to influence our values and world-view.
I can absolutely see the potential of a conventional church that uses the example of the Bruderhof to grow stronger and more active in sharing with and supporting one another, being more humble and having an even greater focus on commitment and unity, while members continue to live based on the convention of individual (family) income, which is generously given for the work of the Kingdom. But that still involves having to fight relentlessly against the vortex of popular culture, and navigating the kids of those churches through an increasing tirade of messages and expectations that are completely counter to core Christian values.
The Bruderhof is, by the open admission of the members, not the perfect church, and it is clearly communicated to me that they do not see themselves as “superior” to other Christian churches. It seems possible to me that one could join the Bruderhof and live a comfortable life in the community, avoiding Jesus’ call for them to truly “live by faith”, as equally as someone in a conventional church with a secure job. But they are deeply committed and convicted to live the way that they do. There are numerous aspects of my current theology vs theirs that I’ve not even attempted yet to fully understand - pacifism and the understanding/experience of the Holy Spirit are to name but two. Someone quoted the Bruderhof founder’s son, J. Heinrich Arnold, as saying (paraphrased), “If we found another group where we saw the love of Jesus expressed more fully and clearly than it is among us, I believe that we would want to relinquish our current identity and join them”. It is this deep conviction and humble attitude still evident in the members today, that despite the bridges as yet uncrossed, continues to create a “pull” for me towards the Bruderhof.
There is a great weight in this deliberation, in that to ultimately become a member of the Bruderhof is to make a commitment to the church for life. This is not something one does for a season. Adding to the mix the absolutely legitimate wish for our kids to grow up in a wholesome environment leaves me in a place of great wrestling in my spirit, but as a consequence, a fresh hunger to seek God more than ever before about how He wishes us to live and serve Him for our short time on this earth.
“To him who has ears, let him hear” (Matthew 11:15). Lord, let me have ears.
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